When I’ve asked a client to fill in the blank, I’ve heard so many different responses. The answer generally tells me that an individual comes at their decisions from one of three places: head, heart, or gut. We are reading more and more about the brain these days – neuroscience is in almost every conversation I have about coaching mastery. And so is the notion that the brain is also situated in the gut, giving us much more biofeedback and information than we ever imagined. And if you’re familiar with the HeartMath® Institute, you may know that for 25 years they’ve been researching and studying the wisdom of the heart. So, how do I know this? I’m listening for key phrases my clients consistently use. Phrases that contain “I think” or “I feel” or “My gut is telling me…”. Let me offer three examples to explain what I’m hearing. I’m using fictitious names and examples from an amalgamation of my past client experiences. These fictitious clients are Sarah, Stan and Sal.
Sarah
In an attempt to satisfy her desire for more responsibility and diversify her reach across her current organization, Sarah wanted to go after a potential promotion that would result in a move to another department within her existing organization. As we began to prepare for her interviews, I began to hear her say: ‘I think they’ll want (xyz)’ or ‘I know I’ll need to be able to do (abc)’ or ‘I could consider changing the answer to (lmnop). Think. Know. Consider. Sarah was in her head and every decision she was making came from the place of knowing with her intentional thought process.
Stan
After 3.5 years of giving it his all as an executive’s representative, Stan was ready to move away from assisting someone else and start building his own legacy in real estate development. As we worked through his connections I began to hear: ‘I feel that it’s time for a change.’ ‘I get the sense that’s there is nowhere for me to go here even though I’ve been told differently.’ ‘I get the impression that I’m never going to be ready enough to move up.’ Feel. Sense. Get the impression. Stan was speaking from a heart-centered awareness that made complete sense to him.
Sal
Following nine years as a thriving CFO for a large nonprofit, Sal had great instincts about their work. They wanted to prepare for the next major move to an Executive Director / CEO role. When Sal and I began discussing the environment and work that would continue to be of interest to them, Sal began making these types of comments: ‘Our gut is telling us that this is our time – we’ve got to make this move in the next 18 months to 2 years.’ Maybe it’s our intuition, maybe it’s a gut-check, but this role isn’t filling us up anymore.’ ‘In the pit of our stomach, we know it’s time, especially when we start to consider what’s next for us.’ Gut. Gut-check. Pit of the stomach. Sal internalized these moments in the gut and knew without question what was in their best interest.
So, when you find yourself deciding to decide, listen to your words. Where are they generated in your body? Your mind. Your heart. Your gut. How can your body inform you about your biggest and smallest decisions in this life we get to live?
I know for me – my default drive is to feel first. How something feels truly matters to me. And yet, I have had much practice in the art of thinking, using my brain and intellect to do research to further inform my feelings which may or may not always be accurate. I’ve found the practice very helpful as I can now more easily relate to many ways of knowing before I decide. During the pandemic, I became very aware of my body’s needs and turned to wholeness as my new watch word. To live a life of health and wellness was where I started. I ended yearning for wholeness as I began to see the interconnectedness of thoughts, feelings and my body’s wisdom. Today, I want a whole life. I seek wholeness using the wisdom of my thought, feeling and body to help me decide.
And it all started by listening for the key words. You have them, too. Listen to yourself without judgment but with curiosity. What do you need to decide? How can your words help you gain clarity to seek other perspectives, guidance, or quiet reflection as you decide your next step?
I’m happy to listen, anytime.